Goodbye, Farewell, Amen

Work was rough today. Over the weekend the news spread of the death of a co-worker. To a lot of people she was not just a co-worker, but a friendly face and someone to look up to. Dorcas had battled cancer once already, about 3 years ago. I started working here at IAC (then ask.com) while she was out of work and recovering from that first battle. I noticed from her emails that we had some common interest in the stranger things on the web. We also shared a love of 80s pop culture. Turns out, we were the same age, only a few days apart. We seemed to laugh at lot of the same things. Her laugh was infectious and just hearing it made you laugh harder, which only made her laugh harder. She was so thrilled when she had gone a year past treatment and was deemed cancer free. After that she headed off to conquer Mt. Kilimanjaro. I was impressed by that, and somewhat in awe.

Last fall, when we gathered in the conference room to listen to her tell us that the doctors found something, I was taken by surprise, as most people were. We all wished her well and hoped she'd be back soon. The few times she was in the office it was hard to get the time to say hello. I tried to just get in a "hey, how are ya" but wasn't always successful. The last time I saw her, probably back before spring, her hair was short and blond. She looked happy, and seemed more upbeat than previous times so I took that as a good sign. Didn't know that'd be the last time I saw her.

I wasn't part of her circle of friends at work, and I know they're all going through a rough time right now. I never deal with death too well. I hear other people getting upset and I start to lose it. Today was tough, hearing some of her really good friends talk about her, trying not to lose it themselves. She was always really friendly, asked me about my kids from time to time. Here and there we'd have a laugh about some thing or another. It was always fun when she'd take part in our dart gun battles. Her laugh will echo through the office for a long time.

This weekend went by, and I didn't really know how I felt yet. After hearing John and Tim talking about her today, I lost it a little and I'm still having some trouble with it tonight. What's surprising me is how sad I feel. I wasn't expecting to feel this bad about someone I wasn't that close with. I guess that's a testament to the person she is.

I'm not religious. God and Heaven are just things I can't find it in me to believe in. I believe there is some kind of afterlife and I hope it's a peaceful one.